oh mr. sun,
"my dreams are dark as of late"
but you're looking proper as ever
this twenty-fourth time around.
blinding through cirrus clouds,
as you did on a somewhat similar
cold mid-december evening
when i first tasted your glory.

and so here i stand
many spins later.
torn between the boy that i was
and the man i wanna be.

allow me this one day
to claim as my own.
to recall where i've been
and to realize where i'm going to.

and though i celebrate forth
i still do wonder;
will ever we be truly freed from the
womb we continually place ourselves in?

this rock defines my journey
and this day defines my soul.
so happy birthday,
my good sir.

this time around,
may it be made worthy of every phase of the moon.

xoxo // jP.

attended a nifty little event known as an
"industry showcase" last night
where they sucka-punched tune after tune,
spitting out their strongest tracks
like a mouthful of watermelon seeds
on a hot summer day.

these guys are dedicated and good
and i will probably shed a few tears of joy
the day i see them rockin in full glory
on some arena stage to a 5 digit crowd
...as i've always believed they would.

dedication and determination pays off...
somehow and in some way.

here's to you, boys.

but i digress,
for further details of this twisted life
i shall leave to my xanga blog.
so moving on...

backtracking to labour day.

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so labour day was somewhat adventurous this year.
Sticky and i jumped on the transit to cause some raukus
down at Toronto's Beaches west,
where an annual event known as "BeachFest" was taking place.
i was fairly excited to see newcomer Sam Roberts in action
Chantal Kreviazuk at long last and sir David Usher,
all of whom were tres magnifique, might i add.
soon after we were joined by DaveC & DanieLle
and took witness to some serious tWeen action
displayed by such devoted Avril Lavigne fans.
(who also happened to be on the all-star roster).

S, DL and i were quite entertained watching DC
successfully pass as a vip/media photographer to grab
some sweet shots of the big stars UP CLOSE on stage.

hours later and after the show,
S and i find ourselves walking aimlessly along the harbourfront.
we passed through lovely and not-so-lovely neighbourhoods,
as well as a way TOO cool 'futuristic' lookin playground
while we searched desperately for a fast-food joint.
Burger King ended up playing victim to our appetites,
so there we sat munching on our high-cholestoral combos
while sipping on our free refill drinks,
which were often some form of ORANGE-ROOTBEER-MOUNTAINDEW-COKE concoction.
* insert vomit here *
after S concluded my drink mixture looked like waste-sewage
i then realized i would probably never grow out
of that "mixing my drinks" stage.

ah well,
i guess it's true.
once a boy, always a boy.

Rosie came in time to hear "caterpillar" for the first time
she never knew it was a song,
just a poem.
you are a rock and
forever will i be inspired by your strength

next stop of the tour,
richmond hill.
if you come,
bring ID and a few buckeroos
for a drink or two.

and the beat goes on...

The living room show last wednesday was a hit, if I should say so myself! *nudge* I did know the majority of the people there which was cool, but i'm really pushing for some new faces into the crowd. Afterall, the idea behind this concept is not only for experience but also exposure. But anywho...wow, was it ever a evening of love and comradeship. Thanks to all the fine folks who graced me with their presence. Mike Dizon started the show off for me and he was great! We both were recovering from some sort of virus (coughing/congestion) but we got through the night...somehow. I especially loved his acoustic rendition of Lenny Kravitz's "Ready For Love". Mike's voice is beatiful...raw, soulful, solid...even at half-best. We casually said in passing we'd do more of these shows together. Hope he wasn't 'just sayin' because I'm looking forward to it. Thanks also to Sticky for his assistance and musicianship. Above all, thanks to Christine Tsao for both her wonderful hosting and beautiful home (your 'rents are super!).

Was on the road this past weekend. Stayed just north of Chicago. ugh...long driving pains me. So much for my life as a travelling rockstar. Though I feel horrid right now, the trip was well worth it. I love me cousins and spending time with them is great. The trip was centred around my new newphew "Justin". It was his Christening. He's ever so cute with his big cheeks and all. He wasn't used to all the attention. I think he got used to it. ;)

Was able to catch a show while in Chi-town. Dar Williams (folk princess) had a good set, albeit long and longer during her song set ups. I shouldn't complain, I've got much to learn on how to cut down my ramblings on stage. Anywho, Dar was opening for the great n' bluesy Keb' Mo, who was just fantastic. The played at the Ravinia, which is a beatiful ampitheatre/open park. How I long to play there one day...

From one tour to the next...I'll be on board for the YellowFellow CafeCrawl Tour. First stop is this Friday. Should be cool. Playing with Dave Cheng (guitars...also fellow RJC member) which should be cool...haven't played with Dave in a while.

That's all for now. Til next time...

Just did a preview show of the proposed Living Room Tour and met some tres cool people. Thanks to Ian and Arlene for allowing me to invade. Much thanks too Mike 'sticky' Ombao for jumping on wagon for a few tracks and Melissa Torres for helping to end the show with a bang...JAI GURU DE VA OM. 'Caterpillar' was pretty tough, more than I expected. I fought tears trying to explain the song. James, may you be happy spreading your wings.

The actual performance was alright. Some of the longer songs had to be edited and thus their endings were too abrupt and unsatisying (to me at least) . Once again, my lyrics will be the end of me..I had papers all over the place and still managed to screw up. argh...

I've learned that letting go is sometimes the best thing you can do. I see there are many things I've yet to let go of, but the more I do, the more I'm able to travel through life more easily.

So yeah, here I am. I'm determined. My name will be out there, whether as a songwriter or just as another aspiring music artist, I will put myself out there. The truth is, as selfish as it seems, people were right. It's time I started to take care of myself now.

one day,
I'll disappear.
and when I come back,
you will know

who

I

am.

Friday, JUN. 28 - Tariq (who wasn't too shabby: quirky lyrics, catchy pop tunes) opened up for Ashley MacIsaac (he's damn good!) at Toronto's Harbourfront Concert Stage. Ash' enlisted some local katz to play with him. They were tight. Shortly after, I caught Mambo Urbano play at Revival with special guest Divine Earth Essence. Let's just say I'm sore all over 'cause I could not stop dancing(!).

Yesterday, was supposed to see 'Los Hombres Calientes' but the uncertainty of events happening at Nathan Phillips Square due to Toronto's recent labour disputes lead me to abandon that idea.

Today I get to see my boys Wide Mouth Mason play at Canada Day festivities in Downsview Park. That was my week. How was yours?

On the drive home, I was talking to Mey about how I'm tired of this...I want something out of life...I wanna do something with my life, on my own terms, in my own way. A moment ago I found myself asking "God, what is it that you want me to do?". I've been doing various things over the past few months, everything little thing keeping me busy up until the next thing...not having enough time to properly search for employment. I feel very drawn to do something with my music. Could this be what God wants of me to? But with no job, I can't really move forward with where I'd like to go with my music. Once again, maybe God wants me to spend this time concentrating on my writing (cause that's all I'm really doing now). blaugh...I don't know. All I do know is that I'm getting quite frustrated just 'standing still'. I'm itchin' for step 2 and the hurdle to overcome seems a bit overwhelming right now. sigh...

...
I'm sorta embarking on this little spiritual journey in my life right now. Timing is amazing, and yes, the fellowship has a lot to do with the initiation of this journey {note: some of my old friends and I have recently formed a weekly discussion forum -- hereafter referred to as the 'fellowship' -- to discuss certain issues in religion in hopes of bringing us closer to ourselves, eachother and our spirituality}. But I don't know where this will lead me. What I'm scared about is that this might just be a phase, which I HOPE it's not. In my life, I tend to go through these phases, where I'll feel passionate about something and then I won't. I dont' know... I think it's my fear of failure...not wanting to go through something HEAD ON because I'm scared things won't turn out the way I want them to. This is a constant in my life. School, music, heck I could apply this to almost everything in my life. But yeah, I guess it's like I could already see some of the my differences with the Catholic church being huge roadblocks in this journey...differences that I don't think anyone can resolve. My challenge would probably be to deal with the blocks in some way, whether it be accepting them as unresolved issues or learning how to 'make' them coincide with the church (which would involve a lot of effort on my part).

The only thing that makes this time different from any other spiritual phase in my life is that this time around, I'm more open to learning, less critical. Ian said in the last meet "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear". I guess in that light, my previous phases had me always just playing the observer (sorta like my comfort zone). Not to say I'm totally ready to be this HARDCORE student, but I'm more ready this time around to be the 'student' than I was before.

The thing is, I don't wanna limit my learning to the Catholic faith. I wanna see how others are taking their messages and how it's working for them. Part of that is finding some inspiration in others that embrace their spirituality in ways I've not known possible. Perhaps through that, I too will be inspired to embrace my own.

Going back to what started this whole thing, who knows where this will lead me. Maybe I'll end up just customizing my own faith, taking what applies to me from here and there. Or maybe I'll end up devoting myself to Catholism. But regardless of where this journey lands me, I know that I will have accomplished a lot more than what I would have accomplished without positive venues such as our Fellowship group.
...

Well, either way, Imma just go with this flow and be happy. :)

I can't even count the number of times I've thought about this topic. But only recently was I inspired to write about it here. What IS pop music? Why does pop music generally carry such a negative connotation to it? What are my views on this? What are yours?

Let me begin by explaining how I came to write about this. For as long as I can remember, I've been a huge fan of 'mainstream' music. Every time I hear people put it down, I somewhat become annoyed, sometimes defending it and other times just ignoring it. What I came to realize lately is how I, too, am guilty of encouraging the negative stereotypes associated with popular music. By writing this, I hope to teach myself a lesson and to also make others think about their views about popular music and whether or not they could re-evaluate their opinions.

So what exactly is considered popular music? Webster's Dictionary includes this in their definition of the word 'popular': "adapted to the tastes, understanding or needs of people in general". With this said, I believe popular music is music with wide appeal and music that is easily accessible including, and not limited to, radio, video and audio recordings. Basically what I consider mainstream or commercialized music is what I think makes popular music.

With that said, why do we 'knock' it so? Here is my view on the whole deal. There is enough room in the world for all sorts of music. There is a place for everything. If popular music didn't exist, underground music wouldn't be underground music nor would 'hardcore' music be 'hardcore'. Picture the food chain, if you can think back to elementary biology. One element cannot exist without the other and every section of the chain is important -- the elimination of would cause drastic change in the way things are run.

Can the negative attitudes towards pop music be attributed to jealousy? Of all the times I have thought this through, this is the only conclusion that makes sense. On some level, there has got to be some form of jealousy. "Why has this pop artist made it and I haven't?" "How come I'm not making that much money?" "I am obviously way more talented, why can't people notice me?!" But just imagine. If they had their way, what would that make them? POP? Yes, exactly. They would turn into the very thing they condemn.

So why blab about this? I'm sick of everyone doggin' pop music. Mostly, I'm sick of MYSELF doggin' pop music. Yup, you've heard me. I've only now come to realize I am just as guilty of this, even though I have always defended pop popular music. It was one of those moments where you subconsciously step out of the situation and say "Hey, you just contradicted yourself!". At that point I was like, "Holy crap...I'm right!"

'Hating POP music' has become such a trend. People do it because everyone else puts it down. Some people will just automatically be like, "Oh, I TOTALLY hate POP...See, I'm into the real stuff", as if it were a pre-requisite to condemn POP in order to like good music.

I appreciate POP music for what it is. I believe it is especially critical to the evolution of ones music taste. We are first exposed to digestible POP music as kids and then when we are ready to, we are free to leave in search of the type of music that perfectly fits us. It's the whole contradiction of wanting everyone to share in your likings, and then putting it down when everyone follows way. An example, "Oh, I like Radiohead BEFORE everyone listened to them". If you choose not to listen to them because of their music, fine. But for the mere fact that you think they have become trendy?

So yes, I love me some pop. I'm a product of a POP generation -- never mind an 80s POP generation -- and it has everything to do with what I'm able to do as an artist today. I have such a vast musical preference because I grew up in an era where one could find a rock and an r&b track on ONE full-length album, where popular radio represented a crossroads of musical directions. I was exposed to it all (well, most of it all at least). I love artists who successfully span over various genres and show they aren't afraid to experiment. If and when my material comes out, you'll know where I'm coming from. It might be all over the map in terms of musical styles, but I have and always will come back to the foundation of it all: pop.

note [05.27.02]: I do realize much of the hate is more focused on people who sacrifice their own creative freedom in order to cater to the latest 'trends' in music (especially if it's believed that any one particular artist is capable of so much more). This "sell-out" phenomenon has become quite synonymous with "pop" because nowadays it's difficult to distinguish what's sincere and what's not in popular music. Perhaps we can try to ignore our assumptions about the 'validity' of songs and just judge it based on whether we dig it or not. Easier said than done...this, I know I can't let go of easily. At least I can acknowledge it...I guess. :)

Meaningful Work:
In the London Tube, England's underground rail system, one travel agent's ad declared: "Your work is meaningless. And you'll die having achived comparatively little. You need a holiday." Those words do indeed descrive the feeling of many who are "sick and tired" of their work. Some people may even find their labor so wearisome that they think it must be punishment from God. This could not be further from the truth. Even before sin entered the world, God gave Adam and Eve meaningful work to do. The motivation given for work was not to accumulate wealth but to have something to share with others.

"We make a living by what we earn;
We make a life by what we give."

No public endorsement of 'my day', no attention-grabbing stints, no reminders, nothing. Probably mostly to do with the fact that, especially as of late, I'm really not diggin this whole "it's MY birthday, come celebrate ME, all for ME" phenomenon.

note: I'm actually writing this a few days after to purposely avoid this entry being a birthday reminder within itself.

Don't get me wrong, not that's there's anything wrong with that. I've requested parties in honour of myself in the past, and who's to say I won't again in the future. It's just my ever-evolving perception of things that's taking over now.

In actuality, this whole 'low-key bday' idea turned out to be more of a rebellion against that whole 'self-promoting movement' as opposed to it actually being a genuine feeling and decision (which, the latter, usually would be the case). Bad, very bad. So what happens?

I end up feeling really [insert word that summarizes UGH, BLAGH and *#@^! 'here'] about the whole bday thing. The result: a raw view of the important things/values/people in my life. It wasn't supposed to be like this, but nonetheless, it was a real eye opener.

I am truly humbled by those who actually voluntarily made their way into my life on that, the 23rd milestone of my life. Although I did brush the day off as just any ordinary day, I really did appreciate all the kind words and greetings. If I sounded shy or annoyed at any point during this week, it's probably because, well, I was. Sorry, that wasn't targeted to anyone in particular. It's the consequence I pay for seeing what was real in my life.

I'm 23. wow. I feel I've reached some sort of crossroads in my life. Time to make things happen. I've experienced what it's like to just be happy [This probably added to the downfall I experienced on D17 (code word for...you know...that 'day')]. I know myself a lot better. I've learned much about my potential. As I've told Kendall and Nads the night of D17, if I died tomorrow, I would die satisfied.

So what now? Everything from here on in is BONUS. I'm 23 and have tasted my bit of happiness. Now that I know WHERE and HOW to access this, I know that no matter where I go in life, that's where I will always want to return.

No more bullshit. Time for change. I'm terrified, but it's time. This is gonna be an interesting year. Pray for me. I'll see you on the otherside, that is, if you care to stick around.

// jP.